I have spent two wonderful, fun, humerus evenings with my sister and her family. However, as they head on to other family to visit, I am sad, jealous and just down right disappointed. Why?
Because we were robbed of time during our childhood, while growing up to get to know each other. Neither of us understand the basis of the situation really, but I can just about bet that it was rooted in selfishness. Like many families that are split by the evil BIG D (divorce), the children in the middle of it all end up getting hurt the most. My sister (actually a half-sister,but don’t tell us that) and I didn’t avoid that pain, hurt, loss.
At 3:50 am this morning our father has been gone for 14.5 years . Yes, I know the exact time. I used to wake up at 3:40 am every. single. morning, for umm, well 2.5 years. A full year after I married. Anyway, back to the original topic.
Elaine and I did not grow up together. We rarely got to see each other. She was in one state, and I in another. Our father did not have visitation or they didn’t work out or?? Well, again we don’t quite know, and no one has ever talked of it. Nor will they. But, does it matter now? Only when we think of what it is that we missed out on. Only when we want to know how it would be to grow up together. We both ended up being raised only children. By the way, being an only child is not fun, it is lonely, hard and boring. The hard doesn’t end when you grow up. So, spread your love and beat the odds and have more then one child if God will allow it for you. Do your one child a favor and have two if God will allow it. ok? Please? Money should not be the deciding factor when you “plan” your family. Money deciding your family size probably means there is greed involved.
See, when our dad died, we had not yet, really had the opportunity to know each other. I was left, alone, very, very alone, as my mom mourned my dad’s death. I somehow thought or believed that I was to carry on and hold it all together. Then she got remarried (a year and 2 mos after he died) and I was even more alone, lost in my own grief and still not dealing with it. I was soooooo MAD at God, at the world. How could everyone just keep going on? My life ended or at least my dad’s life ended, but I felt like mine did. I believed I was alone-I wasn’t, because I had God, but remember, I was VERY MAD at God, I walked away. Bad, very poor choice, but here I am, I found my way back. Our relationship is stronger now.
If you are parents of a broken family, don’t speak poorly EVER about the other parent/parents. You are only planting negative seeds that will someday most likely haunt you. The truth will be discovered and well, you will not look good for it. If the other parent has made poor decisions, don’t dwell on them with your children. I am speaking from experience here. My mom, to this day, though I love her, she never has a kind word to say about my father. Why? I don’t know, but it has caused a lot of limitations as far as her spending time with my children. Why? I don’t want her inability to see past faults becoming how my children behave. My father is not here to show that he had very loving, kind traits. He wasn’t perfect, but he loved me, he loved my sister, he loved my mother. Beating a dead horse over the head is never a good idea, especially as parents.
So, had Elaine and I been raised, at least getting together as many siblings from broken families do, we may have been able to be there for each other. However, we weren’t and at times it still haunts us. She didn’t know her daddy and I am left with out my daddy. Our children don’t have a grandpa, and they really get confused with all this. There are memories that we missed. There is just a hole there. Then it all comes together.
They come for a visit, we laugh, we cry, we have FUN. Then I see it. My sister looks JUST LIKE MY DAD. Sometimes it is so obvious that it is a stab, for a very short second. I see him, and then he is gone again. It is also a precious reminder that we are “blood” relatives.
I believe that he saw us these last two nights having so much fun and smiled down saying, way to go girls. You have found each other. You beat the odds that were decided for you, through selfishness.
I also believe that is how God sees it when we find Him. He smiles down on us, and say YES, WAY TO GO. So, though here on earth things are all messed up, families are broken, reunited, or lost. When you find God and bring Him into your life. None of it will really matter too much. You will feel pain, you will still have disappointments, but with God holding your hand you will get through it.
See, with out God, Elaine and I never would have found our way to what we have. We would still be only children. But now we are siblings who were raised as only children. Our children, now have cousins. They have an aunt and an uncle that love them.
Below are some pictures of our time together.
Thanks ladies. Yes, God has blessed us with each other. I pray that parents will understand the long term consequences of selfishly separating siblings because they don't want to work with each other to allow visits or whatever their reasons.
Amen. That's a beautiful testimony to God's power of creating family. Isn't that what He does in adopting us? Thanks for this post and blessings on your lovely family.
You and your kids are so blessed to have a blood relative like your sister. I pray that God will always bind you in love and compassion with each other. I also pray that He will continue to fill you with joy as you face the challenges of a blending family.
OK..This post made me cry!!..I think its SOO neat that you and your amazing sister are SOO close after everything that has happend!! You guys have not had it easy!….Your kids are so lucky to have you as a mom!!! I cherish every min I get with you and your amazing kids, and im sad I missed getting to see your sister and her aamzing family!!…I dont know what i'd do without you!!